I cannot take it anymore, I just can't. I need my mother and my father, I need my sister, I need them. I haven't talked to my parents in 3 weeks! Imagine, they won't talk to me at ALL! My dad won't even look at me, and why you ask? Because of a stupid mistake, ONE mistake and all of this happens. I miss sitting with my mom and talking to her, I miss going out with dad like we are friends not father and daughter. I miss those days, I miss talking to my sister at night and telling her what happened, and us sharing secrets. I miss all that.
I'm angry, everyday I pray that I die, everyday. Everyday, I pray that this never happened, and everday I pray that my parents forgive me and eventually allow me to go to univesity, everyday. 3 weeks ago, everything was amazing, I was happy, I was going to university... 3 weeks ago, I was sitting in the living room with my mom talking about my plans, my future. 3 weeks ago, I was at the beach with my dad hanging out, and talking to his friends. 3 weeks ago my father was proud of me, and now all of this went away. I have nothing left.
No one can imagine how ashamed I am, and how stupid I feel. I am disgusted with myself, I hate myself, I wish I was dead, I really do. I wish I am not who I am today, cause god knows that everyone hates me, and when I say everyone, I mean everyone.
Someday, maybe in a month, a year or 20 years, my parents will forgive me; but they will not forget, ever. I am a whore to them, and I know I am. I am angry with myself, but I pretend nothing is wrong, I smile and laugh, and pretend I am happy, even though I am no where happy, I don't care, why should I? I just want my mom and dad to be happy. I just want them to be proud of their eldest daughter, and God knows that this will not happen.
What am I supposed to do? How can I prove to them, that they are wrong about me? How? It is Impossible, and please don't tell me it is not, it is impossible, so very impossible. All I do is read, study and sleep, Thats all I have been doing for the past 21 days, Imagine how boring and stupid my life is. I cannot leave the house, I haven't seen my friends in over a month, and I am still hanging on, I am still smiling, because I know INSHALLAH everything will be better in time, and I know that even if I am a dissapointment, and I am not what they expected me to be, I am still their daughter, and they cannot keep pretending I don't exist, they cannot keep pretending I am nothing to them, cause that is a lie.
3 comments:
What happened? What did you do that was so bad?
You see, what happened is They blamed me for something, and it wasn't actually what I did, and I would rather not talk about it.
Ohhhh. Okayy
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